An Acquired Taste
Someone once told me I am an acquired taste. In as much as I try to be transparent with everything I say and do, I know there is so much that I choose not to volunteer with those who do not know me very well. There are many people in my life who believe they know me well; yet, I still hide many of my beliefs that do not comply with the social 'norm.'
When I was younger, I always felt like that fifth wheel hanging on to the back of the pack. The other four were the best friends in the neighborhood and I was the tag along that was tolerated more than I was accepted. While the other girls my age were best friends with my older sister, I always felt like the second choice. We still had fun and played almost every day together. But, the way you are treated when you are young makes a huge impact on who you become as an adult.
We are all made by God, in His own image, as a person who longs for a relationship with others. God created man – that is mankind, male and female – in order to have someone He could enjoy having around to hang out with and talk about everything under the heavens. Sure, God has His army of angels at His beckon call; however, their relationship does not seem to be on a close personal relationship level. The angels are more comparable to the workers and peasants in God's kingdom rather than confidants and significant others. Human beings are on another level with God. He loves us as His own children and wants us to view Him as our only Father.
As the children of God, we are a part of Him. He made us in His image with all the endless combinations of feelings, beliefs, and personalities that He created to exist in this realm of being human. He also made us to have the ability to decide who we want to become, what is acceptable and not acceptable in our lives, and how we choose to react to others on the same journey to self realization.
In my case, I believed no one would ever want to know the real me. Because those who did, never seemed to want me around all the time. I was too annoying, too smart, too blunt, too overbearing, or some combination of these for any one person to want to spend any amount of “quality” time with me. I was what people label as a “strong personality.” I certainly did not understand back then why anyone would not like me. I tried so hard to make friends that I ended up pushing everyone to the outside of my own personal world. I was always just a little too weird – too “unique” as my mom would say – an acquired taste.
There are pros and cons to being on the outside looking in. I am great at seeing different points of view. I can take things apart and put them back together correctly inside my head. I can analyze a situation from all sides and find a workable solution where everyone can agree on a reasonable compromise. I have learned from the reactions of others that my opinion is often wrong. This is especially true when I can see possibilities that others cannot or when I have done additional research on a subject that most will never see. I have learned that sitting alone and keeping my mouth shut is generally an acceptable lternative to putting myself out there to be known. And the closer I let people get to know the real me, the more they distance themselves or the more I tend to be hurt.
So, the best solution at this point in my life is to offer smaller bite-sized pieces of my personality and try my best to not share who I want to be inside my own head. People do not want to know the truth, they want to know what society accepts as true based on the information their leaders feed them. People do not want to know what is real, they want to know what society accepts as reality. And people do not want to know who you really are, they want to know that you are willing to be who they want you to be.
Either you love me or you hate me, you like me or you avoid me, you think I am amazing or you cannot stand to listen to what I have to say. I wish none of this mattered. Truth be told, I wish I could just tell anyone what I think and they would not look at me in horror like I should be locked up in a padded room away from any position where I might corrupt their indoctrinated minds. Unfortunately, life is not black or white, good or bad, true or false. Life has a lot of gray in between. Which apparently makes me an acquired taste.
Maybe someday I will find a group that loves me for my crazy ideas and wants to know the evidence behind my truths. But, until then, you will have to ask directly what you want to know and be prepared for an honest answer.
Written By:
Michelle Menkhus Rouse aka ~Misha